Monday, August 29, 2011

this is *not* going to be fun

Happily shopping away, putting some soda in the cart, feel a pinch/pull on my pinky. Look down to see that I've apparently caught my nail and bent it back...something we've all done at one time or another. Then I look closer.

That lovely red line in the middle of the nail? That's where it ripped. Ow. Ow ow ow. You know, there is a reason fingernails are common components in torture... >.<

[and I've realized that I use my pinky quite a bit while typing. I am currently hating the left shift key and the letter 'a'. thankfully 'q' and 'z' aren't used as often, so they escape my scorn. for now. until I have to type about quiet zebras or something. then I'll hate them just as much. maybe more. so here's hoping those striped horses stay noisy.]

Saturday, August 27, 2011

a wonderful surprise

I came home yesterday to find these waiting patiently for me:

[sorry for the lousy camera plus low light :^( ]

My Aunt Monie sent them to me for my birthday...and I don't think she'll ever really know how much it meant to me. Thank you, Antimony. I love you.

Friday, August 19, 2011

the other side of the coin

He heard a lot of things during those weeks before he died. Questions people had, their confusion, the hope that things would change. One thing that came up as a theme more often than others: cowardice. He wasn't thinking of others, he was being selfish, he was "running away", "giving up", "not trying".

I said it then and I'll say it now: his choices were brave ones. For him, for the type of person he was, "giving up" would have been to just keep going, losing more and more of himself, his health, his mobility each day. "Not trying" for him would have meant just going from day to day, letting things degrade, letting the diseases continue draining his life, his soul, his uniqueness, his savings, his dignity, his power, his independence.

Instead he made a hard choice, one that wasn't for everyone, but was the only option for him. What had once been a dim possibility, life without his love and with rapidly failing health, had become an exhausting reality. And things he had talked about in the abstract were now staring him in the face, forcing his hand and requiring him to evaluate, re-evaluate, re-re-evaluate everything that he was, everything that mattered, and the future he faced.

He stood tall, wrested control of his life back from the diseases that had taken it from him, and basically said "fuck you, you won't defeat me". That took a level of courage and fortitude that continues to affect me at profound levels, ways that will take a lifetime to process. He was a strong man who shared life with a strong woman...I was lucky to have them in my life. I can only hope I can be as strong...

Saturday, August 13, 2011


Will passed certification today...he's now a fully certified volunteer firefighter for Santa Clara city. Years of volunteering and hard work, plus running himself into the ground these past few weeks prepping for the testing, and it's all paid off. Me = proud.