Monday, August 02, 2010

fair enough

So I recently got called out for "ignoring myself" and "pretending everything was okay"...and they were right. I've been putting on a happy face, making mundane posts about regular life, acting like everything is business as usual. Not sure why...part of it is habit/reflex, don't let them see you cry, keep your pain private. Part is probably a hope that if I act like things are okay, then they will *be* okay. And a big part is just not knowing how to deal with things...I'm in a weird place right now, and it's not something I have a clue on how to work through [other than "one moment at a time"].

I know it will take time. And I do see a bit of an up-curve from where I was a while ago. But I'm impatient, and frustrated with myself, and scared and overwhelmed and a bit lost. I want answers *now*. I want resolution, comfort, peace. So until I get there, I'll keep up with the "all is well, pay no attention to the Stacey behind the curtain, these are not the droids you seek" exterior, and keep working things out internally as best I can. I guess "the best we can" is all any of us can do...

1 comment:

Drazmon said...

Don't think others aren't reading from time to time. It's nice to know you're still keeping your fans appraised on the life lived well.

Miss talking to you,
Roy