Friday, April 01, 2011


Some answers to questions we've been getting:

Were you surprised?

Yes. <expletive> yes. "Stunned" only begins to cover it. Brain shutdown, gears grinding, clutch slipping, total gobsmackedness.

Why so surprised? Haven't you guys been together for a while now?

Yeah, a couple years now, and we had been talking "in it for the long haul" for a while. But I knew going into this that Will wasn't big on marriage; in fact, it was one of the issues that lead to the end of his last relationship. It didn't matter to me...I was enjoying the moments together and sharing the same path with him, so I just accepted it as a part of who he was and where he'd come from and didn't think twice about it.

How did you meet?

Heh, that's a good question. Our standard answer is "we both worked at Facebook". Beyond that, neither of us really knows how we actually first met. Here's the long version:

I was the geek groupie hanging out with the IT/network guys, he was somewhere in that crowd, but even then, I don't really remember how I was introduced to him. Somewhere along there, he mentioned that he was going through the break-up thing with his girlfriend, and I said that I was losing both my boyfriend [work transfer across country, with long-distance relationship just not an option for many reasons] and my best friend [who was also moving out of the area]. I'm guessing we commiserated together, but getting together just wasn't in the cards...he was busy with work and a redhead he'd been friends with, and I wasn't looking for another relationship just yet.

Then one day he walked by my desk and told me, "by the way, we're having an affair." After my stunned laughter died down, he explained that his ex-girlfriend was convinced that the reason they broke up is because he'd been cheating on her with me for a while now. We shook our heads, giggled at the absurdity...I even told him "no offense, but you aren't even on my radar." He agreed, since his type leaned more towards redheads and rock-climbers, and we both just stood there shaking our heads bemusedly.

And the best part? After he left my desk, I had to send an instant message to a friend of mine asking her what his name was... :^D

After that, he would stop by and give me updates on our "affair"...the length of time we'd apparently known each other was getting longer and longer, the drama getting more and more entertaining. And somewhere in there, I ran through the "well, *would* I date this guy?" train of thought, and apparently he did as well, and we both ended up on the "affirmative" side of the argument. If it hadn't been for all of that, I can honestly say we wouldn't have gotten to know each other as well.

And so here we are. :^)

When is the big day? Where are you getting married?

No idea. See above re: "surprise, complete and total". Since marriage wasn't an option [or so I thought :^) ], we never did the standard "if we were to get married, when/where/how would we do it?" conversations. So basically, we are starting from scratch here.

How did he ask?

[warning: gushy gag-inducing sweetness ahead :^) ]

It was after we got home from the Saw Doctors show in San Francisco...I'd had a great time, and we were both tired and our ears were ringing [I was a bit hoarse, since I'd been yelling and singing my fool head off at the concert]. We were lying there cuddled up, just chatting and talking in that "late night body-tired but brain-wired" way, and we started talking about how we like our lives with the other one in it. The random ways we fit well together, the way we make each other laugh, the shit we've both been through and the other has helped with...and out of the blue, Will says, "I would spend a reasonable facsimile of forever with you" [it's an inside joke with us, a nod to the silliness of the blind assumption that love automatically equals "forever and ever", rather than the reality of two people working at it together and putting in the effort to make it a long-lasting partnership]. That in itself was enough to get me choked up...then he sits up a bit, looks deep into my eyes, and asked me to marry him.

Brain = broken. Seriously. I froze. Not in the "oh fuck, what do I do?" way, but in the "zomg, can't process, rewind, replay, rewind, replay, yes, that's what he said, wait, what, wow, hello are you there Earth to Stacey better answer him wake up yoohoo snap out of it" overwhelmed way. Cue waterworks and the "yes", and a sleepless night with brain whirling.

Later, he told friends that he'd been thinking about it for a while now, and that he got impatient and didn't want to wait for the ring. And I've got to say, the timing was absolutely perfect: it was a sweet, tender time of relaxing and curling up with each other after an awesome evening together. It felt so right, so organic and natural when he asked...I don't think he could have planned it any better. I wish *I* had been a bit smoother with my response...more Hollywood "hands flutter to her mouth, a tiny tear makes it way slowly from the corner of her eye while she looks up through her eyelashes and quietly whispers "yes, my darling, yes, I will marry you" and then she leans into him for a strong embrace", and much less the "deer in the headlights, frozen by the emotion and overwhelmed by the utter awesomeness and love and surprise, then blubbering like a baby, snorfling into his shoulder as she hugs him for dear life and smooches him frantically all over his face" spectacle it actually was.

Even now, I am still a bit out of it as it all sinks in. But it's a good fog to be in.

What about the ring?

I actually haven't seen it's out for sizing, and like he told our friends, he was impatient and didn't want to wait. But he showed me online: round diamond with two round sapphires flanking it, platinum band. I like. A lot.

[Funny story: he disappeared the morning after asking me, saying he was running some errands. He came back a while later, hugged me, and said, "I did it backwards." I had no idea what he was talking about...then he said, "your ring will be here in two to three weeks, it's being sent to New York for sizing." More of Stacey being gobsmacked and waterworks. :^)

I couldn't figure out how he got my ring size, then I remembered him talking about wedding bands, what did I want, and jokingly saying "hey, we could save money and use one of my old rings!", then we sat there goofing around and trying them on and chatting about what we liked. The smart man paid attention to what was closest to fitting me and used that as a guide for the size of the engagement ring, hence the "errand" he had to run that morning.

Sneaky one, he is.]

So what now?

Hmm, another good question. It's all still sinking in.

So are you excited?

Yes, but also not really. I know that sounds horrible, so let me explain:

I am absolutely excited about being Will's wife. But honestly, this doesn't change much...we were already planning on spending as much of our lives together as we could. So this doesn't add more weight or power to our commitment to each other, since that was already there. Basically we have invoked an "automatic renewal" clause to our relationship contract...other than the ceremony and the paperwork and me changing my last name, nothing has changed in our plans for our futures. So am I excited and stunned and thrilled and loving the idea of being married to Will? Most definitely. But it doesn't change the fact that we were already partners, sharing life and facing the good and the bad together. It's just a nice bonus.


Anonymous said...


stacey said...

Love you much!! Sending hugs from across the country...