details

Who/Where: Jeff Croci of Graven Image Tattoo

What it means: Lots of stuff packed into a little ink. The design is from a graphic novel called "Midnight Nation"...the author is someone I really like, whose work helped get me through some rough times. The tribal flame represents those hard times...they worked to burn away the outer layers and help me find out who I truly was deep down. And the flame is on my neck right over my damaged C4 vertebra, as a testament to the pain a random accident years ago caused [and is still causing] me.

When: Thursday, December 27th, 2007

Why: Life is short.

finally made it happen

[stunned silence]

My aunt Essie just died.

shit

My uncle died tonight. Waiting to hear more...sending love to his wife [my aunt], his son [my cousin] and my cousin's family, and to my Mom [sister of my aunt, Mom is with her right now].

I love you...

my kind of christmas carols

Pretty much the only version that doesn't make me want to stab an icepick into my eardrums...

my parents rock

Came home from a long day at work to find this waiting for me...

respite

Let the Wind Erase Me
by Assemblage 23

Attenuate the light of day
So I can see the lines and details
And not the hazy, plastic blur
That floods my eyes till I can't see

Let the wind erase me
Like the memory of a kiss
Let these waters take me
Away from all of this

I long for anonymity
To wipe the features from my face
One single moment of escape
Then I can wake myself again

Let the wind erase me
Like the memory of a kiss
Let these waters take me
Away from all of this

I need a respite from this noise
The distant roar of static oceans
Give me a haven from this bedlam
And let my senses rust away

Let the wind erase me
Like the memory of a kiss
Let these waters take me
Away from all of this

straight to the brain

There is a guy on our floor who whistles. Compulsively. Constantly. Tunelessly. He's a really nice guy...I guess he doesn't even realize he is doing it most of the time. I've mentioned the open floor plan at work, right? And sadly, the pitch of his whistling rips right through headphones and straight into your cerebral cortex. There is no ignoring it, try as you may.

I finally had to be a total meanie and ask if he could please stop...I felt so awkward, but then afterwards, I got three emails from other floor denizens thanking me. :^)

involuntary *clench*

(cold toilet seat)

what ironic timing

A co-worker just came up to ask me something and complained that "more and more people on this floor are wearing headphones". Go fig.

some help from skullcandy

Broke down and bought some "smokin' ear buds" from Skullcandy...very glad I did. Some amazing noise reduction for small in-ear headphone buds, and the three different rubber earpieces let you choose your comfort and noise-killing level [the tighter the fit, the less noise that gets through].

Looking forward to using them to minimize the ambient noise at work...

i frakking *hate* open floor plans

Facebook has open floor plans...no cubes, no walls, just desks spread out over the floor. Drives me crazy...noisy, no way to truly concentrate when you need to, no way to talk quietly on the phone, no shelves or places to put reference materials. Headphones are your only option for privacy, and those don't filter out everything.

There is such a thing as too much community...

a word that's growing on me

I laughed the first time I heard it, but the more I think about it, the more I like the word "bromance". It kind of captures that deep platonic connection and love that you can find with someone...it's meant to refer to two guys, but I think it can be used independent of the gender of the folks involved.

I like.

hectic times

Not a lot of time to update lately. Lots going on, some good, some busy, nothing horrendous or overly dramatic [whew]. Really good times with friends, a cluster<bleep> over a puppet show, working late and on weekends, making new friends, letting old ones go, discovering new music, rediscovering old favorites, heart-to-hearts and tears and hugs and trust and soul-baring, masks and hiding and smiles and pretending. You know...human stuff.

Facebook holiday party tonight...hoping to get enough work done so I can go. Back to the grindstone...

facebook shout-out

wisdom in the strangest places

Love this quote: "The past is behind us, the future unknown, and the moment is all that we have to call home."

And where did it come from? Here, courtesy of ItsJustSomeRandomGuy:

time

Three years ago this month, my mother was diagnosed with lung cancer and lymphoma. Three years we didn't think we'd have...three years of memories, love, sharing, fear, support, tears, hugs. Every moment since that diagnosis has been a bonus, another page turned when we thought we'd reached the end of the book.

Life is short. You never know when the chapter might end...make the most of it.

freebies rock

Facebook track jacket...awesome-sauce.

pop goes the bubble...

...cuz the bubble goes pop!

beddy bye

A few good nights with a few good friends: last night was dinner with MyFriendJen, catching up, sharing stories; tonight was another friend, dinner at the Tied House, music, and [re]watching the BSG mini-series...all three hours of it, starting around 11p. Meant to stop it halfway through, but got hooked and kept going. Soooo worth it...

So now it's off to bed to [hopefully] grab a few hours of sleep before the day starts anew.

[Oh wait...technically, the day *has* started anew. Whoops.]

winding down

A busy and good weekend: saw "Blade Runner: The Final Cut" Friday night, out for drinks after; ended up sitting around talking for another two hours after that...a good and unexpected evening. Saturday was spent at work...had the place to myself most of the time [except for the construction guys finishing up the conference rooms], so cranked some tunes and cranked out some work. Headed home, fed the cats, then drove off to kick back with a good friend and his kids...good talks, a fun sleepover [woke up to a four-year-old sitting on the couch near my head stroking my hair...a sweet and sneaky way to wake me up], cartoons, Starbucks, lunch, music, hanging out, Starbucks [yes, again...caffeine is a beautiful thing], playing with the kids, walking on the beach in Half Moon Bay [frickin' chilly, but still relaxing], grabbing dinner then watching some "Mortal Kombat" while picnicking on the floor, and just generally taking it easy.

Tonight is laundry, sorting change, bracing for Monday, stretching the weekend out as much as possible...and trying not to think about what the coming week has in store. Denial can be a lovely thing sometimes...

an elaborate dream

The Nine Inch Nails song I mentioned a bit earlier:

"Right Where It Belongs" - Nine Inch Nails

See the animal in his cage that you built
Are you sure what side you're on?
Better not look him too closely in the eye
Are you sure what side of the glass you are on?
See the safety of the life you have built
Everything where it belongs
Feel the hollowness inside of your heart
And it's all
Right where it belongs

[Chorus:]
What if everything around you
Isn't quite as it seems?
What if all the world you think you know
Is an elaborate dream?
And if you look at your reflection
Is it all you want it to be?
What if you could look right through the cracks?
Would you find yourself
Find yourself afraid to see?

What if all the world's inside of your head
Just creations of your own?
Your devils and your gods
All the living and the dead
And you're really all alone?
You can live in this illusion
You can choose to believe
You keep looking but you can't find the woods
While you're hiding in the trees

[Chorus:]
What if everything around you
Isn't quite as it seems?
What if all the world you used to know
Is an elaborate dream?
And if you look at your reflection
Is it all you want it to be?
What if you could look right through the cracks
Would you find yourself
Find yourself afraid to see?

memory burn

I close my eyes, and it comes back: the memory of a kiss. The very first, a sweet and gentle soul, there in the hall at school; the butterflies, the anticipation, the floating after. Standing at my front door with the one that had my heart for so many years, the path that was started with that innocent and tender moment. Sitting on a cliff, watching a Pacific sunset with the one that I could still be with today, if we'd only met at slightly different times in our lives. That portentous kiss on the grassy hill during a stolen lunchtime moment. The inevitable one that day at home, filled with love and pain and longing and fear and rightness and connection. The one that caught me by surprise, nice but too soon, not ready for that dance yet. The one that hasn't happened yet. The one that won't happen. The one that should happen.

I close my eyes, and I'm there, in each moment. Feeling, tasting, seeing, celebrating, thanking, giving, taking, relaxing, tensing, overthinking, not thinking at all. Images, scenes, there in the archives, able to be reviewed any time I want. Access and enjoy, relive, relearn, relove. Afterimages of times past, burned into the wall of memory, like paintings on a cave wall.

Close your eyes and you are there.