after

after,
originally uploaded by tiredcynic.

tah-dah!!!

before

before,
originally uploaded by tiredcynic.

"some assembly required"

rah.

Today is Facebook's Game Day. Ten teams wearing their team colo(u)rs, playing things like dodgeball, tug-of-war, and so on. Ever since the teams were picked, the offices have been inundated with team propaganda: "Purple Reign" signs, oranges appearing on desks, red poster paint on the bathroom mirrors, the social email list deluged with "<color_of_team> rules!" messages, and so on. This week has been "spirit week", so the shenanigans and trash talking have escalated.

And today is the day.

Me? I'm not so much the "rah rah, drink the kool-aid" type [go fig], so I'm going to be cranking away at my desk, trying to get through the pile of additional stuff the auditors need. I'll head over in the afternoon for the company photo, but will mostly be heads down at my desk, taking advantage of the silence.

Go team.

[okay, that came out a bit sarcastic, but I actually meant it...have fun, you guys.]

some assembly required

Productive lunch...found a new stepper machine [complete with resistance bands for the arms!] and an elliptical machine [smallish, so hopefully it won't dominate my living room]. We'll see how they hold up...they aren't big expensive models, but I figure if they hold up for at least four months, it's the equivalent of a gym membership [and I'll be more likely to use these, with the added bonus of being able to watch BSG or Dexter or Torchwood or Doctor Who whilst working out]. With luck, I'll get out of work soon so I can get home and get them put together and tested out... <crossing fingers>

whoops

My stepper machine just broke in the middle of a workout. Another out-of-pocket expense, to go along with the Facebook formal, rising gas prices [cost me $48 to fill up my tank tonight], and the increase in rent. When it rains, it pours...joyfulness. This is an expense I'll suck up and take, though...I enjoy my workouts [usually while watching Dexter or Battlestar Galactica], and I don't want to stop.

Guess I'm going shopping for exercise equipment at lunch tomorrow...

sigh

My rent is going up again. Second year in a row. Grumble, sigh, harrumph, poo monkeys, damn it.

a much needed break

This weekend was good. Friday night was shopping for a dress for Lawrence [yup, "for" him...he did a "Red Dress Run" with the Silicon Valley Hash House Harriers on Saturday. Can't wait to see the pictures.]. Good times, lots of laughs, awesome sushi, then we saw "Forbidden Kingdom" [it was a little campier than I had hoped, but seeing Jackie Chan and Jet Li together was worth it]. Saturday was tux browsing with Brian...found an awesome one that I can't wait to see on him next week. After that was a very chill weekend [though only in attitude, since the temps were in the 90s all weekend], with movies [the Robin Hood trifecta: Mel Brooks, Disney, and Errol Flynn], good company, naps, lying on the grass watching the stars, playing on the playground, and just generally enjoying the weekend.

And now it's back to the grind. It's getting a little tougher each week; the stomach flip-flops on the drive in, tossing and turning at night, playing the whole 'pros/cons' game. It's always tough when you aren't doing what you really want to do, especially when the times are hectic. And though I've been promised some time off "when the dust settles", the reality is that the dust won't be settling for at least another two to three months. Which doesn't sound like too long, until you realize that it's been pretty much solid 'go-go-go' since last September...

Okay, enough whinging. Grindstone, meet nose...nose, meet grindstone.

[bonus fact: the opening song from Disney's "Robin Hood" is the source for the classic internet meme "HampsterDance".]

shoot me now

Heading into hour two of a six hour meeting [there should be a short break for lunch in there somewhere at least]. It's a little painful [okay, a *lot* painful], though necessary...testing our Oracle implementation prior to full roll-out in less than two months. It will be good, but right now, there just isn't enough of a framework to hang everything on, so it's a little like listening to a Charlie Brown adult going 'wah wah waahhh' sometimes. It doesn't help that the day-to-day is piling up while we are in here...

not so good

still feel like crap, but i'm keeping food down, so i'm at work. wish i weren't, but there is just too much to do. and the hell of it is, i really don't want to do it. i gave fixed assets a shot because i'd never done it before, and it was a way to stay at facebook...but the finance world isn't for me. i know my dad was excited because it meant i could have a chance at making more money in my career path, but the money isn't worth it if i'm sick so much, stressed so much, and just not finding satisfaction in the day-to-day. i'm committed to my manager through the current audit...after that, i've got some hard thinking to do.

more anxiety

I just remembered that tomorrow starts two days of all-day meetings for the next phase of the Oracle implementation...which means I won't be at my desk during the day, so I won't be able to catch up until after the meetings are over.

Shit. Lousy effing timing for stomach troubles.

urgh

Wonky stomach this morning, unhappy early a.m. hours...and of course in the middle of all the fun at work. Though there was no way I could go in to work with this, the weight of the stuff that is piling up for me [my Blackberry has been going nuts all morning] is causing some anxiety.

To repeat: urgh.

wow...who knew??

There exists a formal dress that I actually like, that is flattering for my 'born in the wrong era' figure, that wasn't *too* horribly expensive [though that is a relative term...let's just say it rounds up to $200]. And believe it or not, it was the second dress I tried on...and the first dress was also a 'wow, who knew?' [though this one was even more so]. Found shoes that fit and went well with the dress, found jewelry that should go nicely, got a wrap to keep my shoulders warm. All in all, a quite productive and not-as-exhausting-as-I'd-expected day...thanks in very, very large part to my shopping partner [shout-out to Susy!].

The only drawback is that the back laces up...which makes it a bit difficult to get into on my own. Susy has sweetly volunteered to be my 'lady-in-waiting' if needed, and I might have to take her up on that...or else draft Brian to do the final tweaks to my wardrobe that night. :^)

Thanks again, Susy...it was a blast.

nearly there

Still another couple of hours at work to go, but at least we are heading into the weekend. With luck, I won't be working it...instead, I'll be shopping for formal togs: dress shopping with Susy on Saturday, then tux browsing with Brian Sunday. See, Facebook is having a formal "Black & White Ball" in May [what is being referred to as "the Facebook Prom"].

Yup. Yours truly, the cargo-pant-wearing, no frills, non-girly-girl is going to get all gussied up. Watch for a run on ice skates in Hades, mind the winged swines, and all that...it's an unusual occurrence to be sure.

well whadya know?

http://bwnt.businessweek.com/interactive_reports/innovative_companies/?chan=magazine+channel_special+report

treadmill

One of those periods in life when it feels like the treadmill is set two clicks too high...you can keep up, but it's awkward and exhausting. Been working twelve- and thirteen-hour days, and it's getting to me. There is light at the end of the tunnel, but it's still at least three weeks away...so just doing what I can to keep chugging along. Thankfully I've got some good friends who understand that I've fallen off the radar for a bit, don't take it personally, and who are there for me when I do have time. That helps a lot.

Back to the grind...

well, boys and girls...

...another year has passed since "that day in Toronto". I don't dwell on it, but it is undeniably burned into my brain. It was a major pivot point in my life, a time that started a cascade of events that still has aftershocks today. I may never quite wrap my brain around everything, why it happened, what I could have done differently, what effect it is having on me even now...so I spend a few moments to roll it around a bit, let the thoughts and feelings do their things, then release them into the universe and keep going.

It's all any of us can do, really.

good times ahead

An Amazon shipment came in today...in it was a DVD of "The Five Pennies" with Danny Kaye. One of my favorites...sweet, good love story, pain, triumph. I've always had a crush on Danny Kaye, and this is one of my favorites of his ["The Court Jester" is probably my absolute favorite]. How can you go wrong with a movie that includes duets with Danny Kaye and Louis Armstrong?

not a bad evening

Exercising [step machine thingy for the legs plus resistance bands for the arms] whilst watching Doctor Who...not a bad way to spend some time. And the episode of Doctor Who was fun and fluffy, a good way to pass the time while working out, with one 'holyshitomgwtf' moment at the end. Evil writers...such teases.

Can't wait to see how this one plays out...

shifting gears

It's always hard to let go of a good time, especially when you've been able to escape for a while and leave the world behind. There's a bit of sadness and melancholy, and more than a little 'want to throw a tantrum and kick and scream and shout 'NOOOOO!! III DOOOOON'T WANNNNAAA!!' in protest', whilst holding on tooth and nail to every last little bit of peace and contentment, knowing that soon the daily routine starts again, your time is no longer your own, and you are once again at the mercy of the requirements and demands and needs and whims of others around you.

But as hard as it is to let go, at least you had those times...and there is a better than average chance of having more like them. Which in turn gives you a firmer handle on just what it is you go through that daily routine for: for moments just like those. Remember, you aren't living to work, you are working to live.

The distinction is important. And *that* is what you should hold on to with all your might...it's what makes it all worthwhile.

stunned [in a good way]

Showed my old passport and driver's license photos to a friend yesterday...the ones taken during a different life, when I was a different stacey. She looked at the pictures, looked at me, looked back again...and said "You know, you look younger now than you did then."

Considering that the photos were taken ten years ago [literally], I was taken aback. Talk about a flattering thing to say...wow.