time flies

For Halloween this year, a group of us on our floor came to work in pajamas [comfy!], which I had done waaay back in 2002 [and hopped on a plane to Vegas right after work...most comfortable plane ride I've ever had]. Seeing pictures from this Halloween reminded me that I had pictures of me from that first Halloween, plus one taken a few years later...so I now present to you:

"Eeyore & Stacey Through the Years"

kick ass(et)

I finally made the time to do something that I've been meaning to do for a while: revamp the Facebook 'Asset Disposal Form'. I love doing this stuff...it's creative, retentive, takes logic and planning to get all the information you need in a fixed amount of space. I'm pretty happy with how it turned out, too, which doesn't hurt...it's not quite up to professional standards, but it's definitely better than what we had.

Before:
After:
[compression degraded the quality a bit, but you get the idea...]

a creepycool side effect

Battling an indelicate ailment [let's just call it "intestinal" and leave it at that]...not a happy time. But the 'tongue turns black' side effect of bismuth offers a bit of distraction...

huh...whaddya know??

http://www.ew.com/ew/gallery/0,,20152943_20153287_20239984_5,00.html

clear your heart

One of the lessons I've been lucky enough to learn over the years has been to recognize when fear is ruling me. It keeps us from doing a lot of things, from taking a lot of chances that are presented to us. We shy away from opportunities and lose a lot of potential because of fear. What if it doesn't work? Oh crap, what if it *does*? What if they say no? What if they say yes?? What if I fall flat on my face? What if it isn't the right decision? What if I fail?

Fear of change, fear of the unfamiliar and the unknown...it's very human. We struggle with it every day. The key is not letting it rule you, not letting it make your decisions for you. If you don't risk failure, then you don't risk success. You can't fly if you never jump. And if time shows the decision doesn't work out the way you hoped, then correct your course. Make the effort. Keep moving. Keep growing.

I think about that a lot...it's easy to get complacent, to cling to the familiar. Every once in a while, you need a perspective check, a reminder to look around and examine the opportunities you might have in front of you. Which is why these lyrics really resonate with me:

"And sometimes I get nervous
when I see an open door.
Close your eyes,
clear your heart...

...cut the cord."

a unique flower

Standing around with a group of friends and acquaintances outside work a little while ago, chatting about anything and nothing. The talk turned to love lives and dating and current status...when it got to my turn, I just quietly shrugged. One friend gave me a small hug and said, "Hey, think of this: you'll have an easier time finding someone like *him* than he will finding someone like *you*." Then others chimed in...words and phrases like "unique", "definitely one-of-a-kind", "unusual", "rare", "special", "hard to categorize". I added "freak", "weirdo", and "mutant" to the mix, which set off another round.

It was embarrassing, flattering, sweet, and not a little uncomfortable...and I thank each one of them for it.

i tried

I tried to poke my head out this week, to be a bit more social. And while it was good to be able to hang out with people I click with, I realized that I'm not there yet. Further along, but still not there. It took a lot of energy to maintain the mask. I didn't realize how much until the next morning...I woke up with swollen jaw, painful neck/shoulders, and a blinding headache. A large part of it stemmed from the dental fun the prior morning [hours in a dental chair apparently aggravated my damaged C4 vertebra], and then the strain of the previous evening took opportunistic root and stayed. Ended up having to stay home, with ice packs and ibuprofen, trying to stay as still as possible. So now I'm behind at work, still hurting [the jaw/tooth is much better, but the neck and shoulders are still fighting], and stressing about losing the pay and having to work extra overtime to keep my paycheck stable [especially with the dental expense that just hit].

So now I crawl back into my shell, and vow to listen to myself more closely next time...

no fancy words

Just an immense amount of awe and pride at being here during this historic time.