hectic times

Not a lot of time to update lately. Lots going on, some good, some busy, nothing horrendous or overly dramatic [whew]. Really good times with friends, a cluster<bleep> over a puppet show, working late and on weekends, making new friends, letting old ones go, discovering new music, rediscovering old favorites, heart-to-hearts and tears and hugs and trust and soul-baring, masks and hiding and smiles and pretending. You know...human stuff.

Facebook holiday party tonight...hoping to get enough work done so I can go. Back to the grindstone...

facebook shout-out

wisdom in the strangest places

Love this quote: "The past is behind us, the future unknown, and the moment is all that we have to call home."

And where did it come from? Here, courtesy of ItsJustSomeRandomGuy:

time

Three years ago this month, my mother was diagnosed with lung cancer and lymphoma. Three years we didn't think we'd have...three years of memories, love, sharing, fear, support, tears, hugs. Every moment since that diagnosis has been a bonus, another page turned when we thought we'd reached the end of the book.

Life is short. You never know when the chapter might end...make the most of it.

freebies rock

Facebook track jacket...awesome-sauce.

pop goes the bubble...

...cuz the bubble goes pop!

beddy bye

A few good nights with a few good friends: last night was dinner with MyFriendJen, catching up, sharing stories; tonight was another friend, dinner at the Tied House, music, and [re]watching the BSG mini-series...all three hours of it, starting around 11p. Meant to stop it halfway through, but got hooked and kept going. Soooo worth it...

So now it's off to bed to [hopefully] grab a few hours of sleep before the day starts anew.

[Oh wait...technically, the day *has* started anew. Whoops.]

winding down

A busy and good weekend: saw "Blade Runner: The Final Cut" Friday night, out for drinks after; ended up sitting around talking for another two hours after that...a good and unexpected evening. Saturday was spent at work...had the place to myself most of the time [except for the construction guys finishing up the conference rooms], so cranked some tunes and cranked out some work. Headed home, fed the cats, then drove off to kick back with a good friend and his kids...good talks, a fun sleepover [woke up to a four-year-old sitting on the couch near my head stroking my hair...a sweet and sneaky way to wake me up], cartoons, Starbucks, lunch, music, hanging out, Starbucks [yes, again...caffeine is a beautiful thing], playing with the kids, walking on the beach in Half Moon Bay [frickin' chilly, but still relaxing], grabbing dinner then watching some "Mortal Kombat" while picnicking on the floor, and just generally taking it easy.

Tonight is laundry, sorting change, bracing for Monday, stretching the weekend out as much as possible...and trying not to think about what the coming week has in store. Denial can be a lovely thing sometimes...

an elaborate dream

The Nine Inch Nails song I mentioned a bit earlier:

"Right Where It Belongs" - Nine Inch Nails

See the animal in his cage that you built
Are you sure what side you're on?
Better not look him too closely in the eye
Are you sure what side of the glass you are on?
See the safety of the life you have built
Everything where it belongs
Feel the hollowness inside of your heart
And it's all
Right where it belongs

[Chorus:]
What if everything around you
Isn't quite as it seems?
What if all the world you think you know
Is an elaborate dream?
And if you look at your reflection
Is it all you want it to be?
What if you could look right through the cracks?
Would you find yourself
Find yourself afraid to see?

What if all the world's inside of your head
Just creations of your own?
Your devils and your gods
All the living and the dead
And you're really all alone?
You can live in this illusion
You can choose to believe
You keep looking but you can't find the woods
While you're hiding in the trees

[Chorus:]
What if everything around you
Isn't quite as it seems?
What if all the world you used to know
Is an elaborate dream?
And if you look at your reflection
Is it all you want it to be?
What if you could look right through the cracks
Would you find yourself
Find yourself afraid to see?

memory burn

I close my eyes, and it comes back: the memory of a kiss. The very first, a sweet and gentle soul, there in the hall at school; the butterflies, the anticipation, the floating after. Standing at my front door with the one that had my heart for so many years, the path that was started with that innocent and tender moment. Sitting on a cliff, watching a Pacific sunset with the one that I could still be with today, if we'd only met at slightly different times in our lives. That portentous kiss on the grassy hill during a stolen lunchtime moment. The inevitable one that day at home, filled with love and pain and longing and fear and rightness and connection. The one that caught me by surprise, nice but too soon, not ready for that dance yet. The one that hasn't happened yet. The one that won't happen. The one that should happen.

I close my eyes, and I'm there, in each moment. Feeling, tasting, seeing, celebrating, thanking, giving, taking, relaxing, tensing, overthinking, not thinking at all. Images, scenes, there in the archives, able to be reviewed any time I want. Access and enjoy, relive, relearn, relove. Afterimages of times past, burned into the wall of memory, like paintings on a cave wall.

Close your eyes and you are there.