http://www.pbs.org/wgbh/pages/frontline/suicidetourist/view/

you have *got* to be kidding

I tweaked my back during a coughing fit. >.<

murphy, you sly dog

Still sick...much sicker than I've been in a while. Coughing...a lot. Which leads to trouble breathing, trouble sleeping, trouble moving, blah blah, et cetera, et cetera. Those annoyingly persistent coughs that start out shallow and long-running, to the point that you are either nearly dry-heaving from coughing so hard, or you run out of breath and end up making some weird squeak-huh-caff-keh noise that is cut off as the air runs out. Then when you are nice and sore from those intense ab exercises, and your lungs are aching, something breaks loose and you segue right into those deep, rumbly, juicy ah-HOK-COF-COF[breathe]COF-KA-COOOOFFFFF beasties.

Joy.

So when I said I was looking forward to not having to go to work so I can recover from this thing, I wasn't kidding. It's tenacious, and from the sounds of it, many other folks have been fighting something similar for a while themselves. Hence the golden glow of anticipation at days and days ahead with nothing to do but medicate, be as still as possible, and let my immune system do its thing.

Enter Murphy, that right bastard of the "going wrong" law.

This past Saturday, a friend of Will's had a massive birthday celebration: breakfast out, time at a huge trampoline center, lunch, then some indoor skydiving, followed by dinner and games. I was hoping that I would be cough-free [or at least cough-resistant] in time, but I wasn't, damn it, and I didn't dare bring germs to this gathering of adults and children. So Will took on the burden of representing both of us [poor guy :^) ] and proceeded to have much fun.

Followed shortly by seriously torquing his ankle. Which was followed by ice and elevation, and very soon after that came the trip to Urgent Care for xrays and a professional eye to look it over. Thanks to the miracle of digital xrays, the doctor was able to diagnose it there...sort of. It's never a good thing when a doctor looks at your xray and says "huh...that's weird". There was an errant bit of bone [a 5mm "ossified fragment"] that shouldn't have been there. The doctor needed radiology to look the xray over, and they weren't available until Monday, so we headed home with a bandage and instructions to elevate, ice, stay completely off it, and call back Monday afternoon for results.

So the weekend was spent with poor Will going nearly mad, being stuck on his hinder with his foot in the air. And I didn't get much rest, sadly...there were meds to pick up, groceries to stock for a week of being house-bound, cats to get taken care of so I could stay down south with Will, food to prepare, dogs to feed and let out/in as needed, ice packs to get, and so on.

But there is good news: the radiologist said that the bone fragment looked like it was from an old injury [which surprised Will], so he is under instructions to keep it wrapped, ice it, heat it, and spend a few days off of it. He's walking now, looking pretty bad-ass limping around with a cane, and the swelling is slowly going down [though the bruising is blossoming nicely]. I'm slowly getting healthier, though I'm not too proud to admit that this thing is kicking my ass and hard.

In spite of all that, things are trending upward. And I guess you can't ask for much more than that, can you?

it hasn't really hit me yet

Today is my last day at Facebook. Not enough energy to handle work and not-work right now, so making the tough decision to go. It's hard to let go of a place where you helped create things from scratch...it's like sending your baby off into the world without you. I'm quite proud of what I helped build...I've worked with some really good people here. And that's the hardest part about leaving: there are always other jobs, but it's the people that are tough to replace.

It doesn't feel real yet...honestly, right now, all I can think of is that I'll finally be able to give in to this illness, instead of having to tough it out to finish off my last days at work. Which is pretty sad...

same cough, different day

The past two nights have been bad...even being uber-medicated, the cough still made its presence known. Overall, it's getting better, but it's exhausting...I think I'm just going to have to give in, give up, and stay in bed for as many days as it takes. Starting next week...way too busy this week to do it. :^)

cough-ka-esque

That's how I've been describing the weird state of little-to-no-sleep-coughing-every-other-breath [which leaves you disconnected and loopy], alternated with getting-some-sleep-but-only-when-medicated-to-the-gills [which leaves you disconnected and medicine-heady]. Combine that with diminished lung capacity [which adds to the light-headedness], and it's been quite the trip.

Wheeee!


[in case you were wondering, the title is a nod to "kafkaesque" ]

hacker's delight

Miserable night...coughing until past midnight, finally fell fitfully asleep only to wake up at 4a coughing. And coughing. With every breath, it seemed. Eventually got it calmed down by taking two different meds, so managed to eke out an hour or so of sleep. Really should be staying home, but we are in the middle of the big year-end audit at work, and because I was out, I now have only days to complete at least three weeks' worth of work. Fun times.

lousy few days

Cough. Cough cough cough. Cooooouuuggghhh. Cough cough. Cough.

[repeat]

murphy, you bastard

Been a rough week or so...haven't been sleeping, and both Will and I are sick [he is on the tail end of his, and I'm just starting it...guess who gave the germs to whom]. And because the universe is a right bastard sometimes, this is the week I headed back to work. Of course. As Dad was fond of saying, "Murphy strikes again". But on the plus side, I get to carpool with Will again...

sum of its parts

He was so tired. After she was gone, he just kind of...deflated. He had made no secret of the fact that she was his reason for breathing, the one that kept him going. And once she was gone, he lost momentum. He loved the people in her life, loved them for what they meant to her, but he had lost the one person who had been with him, stuck with him, stayed by his side for years. So he was lonely, even while being surrounded by people who cared for and about him.

He tried to keep the loneliness under control by keeping busy; he kept busy by taking care of the people who cared about her, showing them that he loved them for how they loved her. Then, one day, the things keeping him busy were done. And the weight hit him in force, the pain he'd been living with every day and especially in the lonely hours of the night, the weight of how tired he was, how lonely he was, and how much he missed her...it never went away, even though he tried to act like it did, tried to pretend like he wasn't terminally ill, like he wasn't missing her and their life together. He didn't fool us, and eventually, he stopped trying to...and that's when our hearts broke, when we knew.

He's not lonely now. He doesn't hurt now.

But we do.