cozy, but...

Been stuck home sick the past few days, but my roommates have been keeping me company...this was the view from my lap a little bit ago [that's Bean on my upper lap, with Pepper nestled down by my knees/shins]:


Nice and cozy, except when you need to get up to go to the bathroom. I was treated to some seriously disapproving looks when I tried:

I braved the disdain, disentangled myself, and made it off the couch safely. Now they are sitting on the living room floor, semi-patiently waiting for me to stop typing and stretch back out again. Something tells me I should get everything I need to get done out of the way before doing that...I doubt they'll be as understanding the next time.

that's my story and i'm sticking to it

My excuse for any typos whilst IMing, blogging, or emailing [click to see bigger]:


It's funny to watch him bouncing along with my arm movements as I type and mouse and surf the web...silly boy.

[look closely and you can see the awesome blanket my sister made for me...it's a perfect "couch blanket" and gets used pretty much every time I sit on the couch]

forgiving felines

Luckily, the cats haven't held a grudge against me for disappearing for so long [though I'm sure part of their forgiveness is due to the good care the kind folks watching over them gave while I was gone]. Spent part of today just lying with them, with one on my chest curled up under my chin and the other sprawled out on my legs. I was effectively trapped, but wasn't complaining...

On a sadder note, this blog entry from Neil Gaiman [and his previous ones about Zoe] hit me hard...for many reasons and on many levels.

dad would have loved this weather

Heavy rain, thunder, hail, and even a rare tornado warning for the Bay Area.

not quite nightmares...

....but being plagued by bad dreams. The kind that leave you shaking and have your heart racing, where you wake up nearly crying and can't shake the feeling for hours. Only a few details stay into consciousness, just enough that you know you had a rough night and that the "rest" wasn't truly restful, but not enough is left to allow you to examine and dissect the dream and dismiss it or understand the roots of it. So you wander through the day, disconnected from reality by a weird hazy buffer of remembered emotions and not enough rest, hoping you are faking it well enough that no one asks.

Ensign, divert all available energy to emotional shields...engage mask on my mark.

Engage.

western lands

Made it back to California with no problems, luggage arrived, even the boxes Dad and I shipped earlier on all got here safely. Been hiding out at Will's for a few days, avoiding life for a bit longer...he's been really good, very patient, and very good at providing distractions like sushi, movies, telly, and lots of hugs and comfort. Still not sleeping well, being hit with bad dreams that leave me more than a little shaken...I know it will get better, that it will just take time. So I'm trying to give myself that time, though it's hard...can't say I've gone through something like this before, so not really sure what to expect. I know that the biggest thing I have to do is to be more patient with myself [something I've never really had much luck with], accept that things are going to be difficult for a while, and that I'm allowed to be a bit 'off' from normal. Easy enough to say, harder to do...

a personal tribute of my own

Just for Dad: lunch at Adornetto's, just me, a mini pizza, and a book.

not different enough

Every once in a while, I get reminded how things aren't quite as different as I thought they were. A comment here, a snide remark there, somebody saying "those people"...and it makes me realize again that I am very fortunate to live where I do. There, I can have friends because of who they are as people. I can eat pretty much any cuisine I want. I can experience people, cultures, foods, and creeds that boggle the mind. And broaden it.

There are things I will miss about Ohio. There are people I will miss. There are places, sights, smells, sounds. There are memories here.

But there are things I am just as happy to leave behind.

murphy's law

My dad was very found of referring to Murphy's Law. Very fond. To the point that my mother would get frustrated every time he would mention it. And today, I'm going to follow in his footsteps...frickin' Murphy's Law hit again. Had another rough night of the toss-turn variety. Getting way too familiar with what is on television at three and four in the morning. Finally managed to drift into a sort-of-kind-of sleeplike state around 5am...

....and my mobile phone rings around 5:45am.

So now I'm awake, but very groggy. I try the tricks [reading, solitaire, watching telly], no joy. Hours later, finally, finally, finally get my brain to settle down a bit and am lying there in that weird "mind is just wandering and things are all disconnected, not asleep yet, but could drop off at any time" state...

....and the phones in the house all start ringing. With a call from a telemarketing company. Who hang up just as I fumble the phone to my ear.

Stupid Murphy and his stupid law.

thank you

Thank you to everyone who was at the funeral tonight, both in person and in spirit.