it hasn't really hit me yet

Today is my last day at Facebook. Not enough energy to handle work and not-work right now, so making the tough decision to go. It's hard to let go of a place where you helped create things from scratch...it's like sending your baby off into the world without you. I'm quite proud of what I helped build...I've worked with some really good people here. And that's the hardest part about leaving: there are always other jobs, but it's the people that are tough to replace.

It doesn't feel real yet...honestly, right now, all I can think of is that I'll finally be able to give in to this illness, instead of having to tough it out to finish off my last days at work. Which is pretty sad...

same cough, different day

The past two nights have been bad...even being uber-medicated, the cough still made its presence known. Overall, it's getting better, but it's exhausting...I think I'm just going to have to give in, give up, and stay in bed for as many days as it takes. Starting next week...way too busy this week to do it. :^)

cough-ka-esque

That's how I've been describing the weird state of little-to-no-sleep-coughing-every-other-breath [which leaves you disconnected and loopy], alternated with getting-some-sleep-but-only-when-medicated-to-the-gills [which leaves you disconnected and medicine-heady]. Combine that with diminished lung capacity [which adds to the light-headedness], and it's been quite the trip.

Wheeee!


[in case you were wondering, the title is a nod to "kafkaesque" ]

hacker's delight

Miserable night...coughing until past midnight, finally fell fitfully asleep only to wake up at 4a coughing. And coughing. With every breath, it seemed. Eventually got it calmed down by taking two different meds, so managed to eke out an hour or so of sleep. Really should be staying home, but we are in the middle of the big year-end audit at work, and because I was out, I now have only days to complete at least three weeks' worth of work. Fun times.

lousy few days

Cough. Cough cough cough. Cooooouuuggghhh. Cough cough. Cough.

[repeat]

murphy, you bastard

Been a rough week or so...haven't been sleeping, and both Will and I are sick [he is on the tail end of his, and I'm just starting it...guess who gave the germs to whom]. And because the universe is a right bastard sometimes, this is the week I headed back to work. Of course. As Dad was fond of saying, "Murphy strikes again". But on the plus side, I get to carpool with Will again...

sum of its parts

He was so tired. After she was gone, he just kind of...deflated. He had made no secret of the fact that she was his reason for breathing, the one that kept him going. And once she was gone, he lost momentum. He loved the people in her life, loved them for what they meant to her, but he had lost the one person who had been with him, stuck with him, stayed by his side for years. So he was lonely, even while being surrounded by people who cared for and about him.

He tried to keep the loneliness under control by keeping busy; he kept busy by taking care of the people who cared about her, showing them that he loved them for how they loved her. Then, one day, the things keeping him busy were done. And the weight hit him in force, the pain he'd been living with every day and especially in the lonely hours of the night, the weight of how tired he was, how lonely he was, and how much he missed her...it never went away, even though he tried to act like it did, tried to pretend like he wasn't terminally ill, like he wasn't missing her and their life together. He didn't fool us, and eventually, he stopped trying to...and that's when our hearts broke, when we knew.

He's not lonely now. He doesn't hurt now.

But we do.

the damage count grows

It has been raining and/or grey since my car got vandalized, so today was the first day I was able to get a good look at him in the sunlight...and it's not good. Multiple places where there are huge chip patterns in the paint [and through the paint, damn it] from where the eggs impacted, and the sunroof mechanisms are impossible to get to and clean...all of which means I am going to have to take the car in to the dealer to see about getting it repaired. Sigh.

The funny thing is that all of this is leading me and Will to get a place together sooner than we had planned...so just like we wouldn't have even been dating if it hadn't been for a third party causing drama, we wouldn't be thinking about moving in together right now if it hadn't been for this. Oh, the irony...

a very timely smile

While I was out visiting Dad, a bunch of us were talking about things we just can't seem to find much anymore. Two of mine were Archway Dutch Cocoa cookies and those chocolate oranges that usually show up around the holidays [big round ball of chocolate, sectioned into wedges, wrapped in orange foil]. My Aunt Monie surprised me a few days later with both [how much does she rock??]. One pack of cookies was sacrificed to indulgence before I even left; the others made it to California, and were closely rationed out until sadly, they too were gone.

Completely lost in the shuffle and the craziness and the boxes was the orange chocolate...until today:

Found it hiding under some stuff I'd packed up, trying to avoid its fate...but to no avail. Yum. It was a much-needed smile, at a very opportune time.

Thank you, Antimony...

a frustrating night

Second time I've had to file a police report for vandalism while parked at Will's place. On my brand-new, barely-four-months-old car. The first time was a few days before I went on leave to spend time with dad...some young guys were on a spree in the area, hitting cars with high-velocity globs of some sort of soap or cream [the most likely theory was that they had attached a canister of the substance to a paint gun, propelling it in rapid bursts]. It washed off and there wasn't any damage, but it was still very annoying and very frustrating.

Last night I was house/dogsitting for Will while he is on a business trip...I had just fed the dogs when I heard POP POP POP noises. I flashed back on the earlier incident and ran outside to see what was going on. Eggs. All over the car, the driveway, and the garage door. Saw a car zooming away, so was able to get a description for the police. The officer showed up very quickly and was very good, very professional, very sympathetic. Took the report, got the details, gave me the case card...a routine I'm now very familiar with.

So I spent a few hours in the dark washing my car and trying to clean egg out of the inside of the car and off the netting under my sunroof...there is still yolk in the tracks and runners, and you can hear shells crunching as it closes. Short of taking it to the dealer and disassembling it, there is no way to get to everything [sigh]. And this time there is damage: chips in the paint from the shells, and the yolk has damaged the sunroof netting. It was too dark to see if the dripping yolk damaged the upholstery, so crossing my fingers that I got it cleaned up soon enough.

Will is very frustrated and disgusted with his neighborhood...I texted him after it happened, and he felt horrible. He's never really liked the place; it's old, falling apart, nasty hard water, old pipes, old appliances. But the location [near highways, right by one of the fire stations he works at], the yard for the dogs, and the rent were good, so he stayed. He felt really bad when I told him it happened again, offered to pay for getting the car cleaned and any repairs needed [of course I told him not to worry about it].

So this morning I head back down to feed the dogs, scrub off the garage door, then out to get the car cleaned again and inspect it in daylight. One more thing to add to the pile...sigh.