merry today

If you celebrate the day, the season, or just being alive, I hope today is good for you.

the gift of time

Four years ago today, my mother was diagnosed with cancer. We've had four years more than we thought we might, and I am glad for every moment.

I love you, Mom.

not a redhead, sorry

So an ex-girlfriend of a friend of mine "just knows" that he and I have been having an affair for more than a year now [because why else would he have broken up with her?]. She has even had a friend drive by my house and take pictures, and then driven by my house herself, hoping to catch him cheating on her [never mind the fact that they have been broken up for months so it wouldn't have been "cheating" even if anything *had* been going on]. She also apparently made her accusations known in one of her blogs, using my full name...which was then used by both her friend [the one that drove by] and his ex-twice-removed to track me down.

Lucky me, I am now fortunate enough to have been targeted by that other ex too...according to her, I am a redheaded co-worker that has been scamming on him for months. [Hint: check out any number of the pics on my blog here and you'll see that I'm not quite a redhead. For that matter, read back a few months and you'll see that I was quite happily "scamming on" someone else for many months...no room for another guy there, sorry.]

I get needing to blame somebody/anybody for a dying relationship, be it friendship or otherwise...I really do. It's hard to accept that someone doesn't want to be with you anymore, so it's easier to move on if you can hang the 'why' on someone else. And I get lashing out in pain at being left behind...at least, I can understand the motivation behind it. But I don't understand actually doing it, especially involving a third party who is outside it all. And I don't like having people that I don't even know make such severe judgments about me, especially when they are based on assumptions and conjecture that have no root in fact.

So now here I am, having to research restraining orders and subpoenas for logs and email, for three different people whom I have never met and never had anything to do with, just in case I am forced to take action. Can't say I ever expected to be in this situation... >.<

so...life...

It's good. Work is work, but not stressing since it's a paycheck. Forcibly taking control of life-outside-work [wow, there really *is* such a thing] and making it mine. Had an awesome time at the Live105 Not So Silent Night concert...The Killers were incredible, laughed my ass off at the Bloc Party lead singer that couldn't keep from watching himself in the overhead screens, enjoyed being a "Not So Subtle VIP" [commemorative hoodie, free parking, straight-to-the-front-of-the-line admission, our own bar, and decent seats just to the right of the stage]. A spate of drama a bit ago, but that seems to be settling down [knock on wood]. Working on balancing work and life a bit more, erring in the 'life' direction where I can; been taking better care of myself, though sleeping a little less...but by choice lately, so zero complaints.

All in all, enjoying life and where I am at the moment. Huzzah.

wise words

From a book I'm reading [re-reading]:

Two characters are having a handfasting ceremony, and the Elder says to them:

"This bond, this joining, is not meant to be a fetter. A joining is a partnership, not two people becoming one. Two minds cannot fuse, two souls cannot merge, two hearts cannot keep to the same time. If two are foolish enough to try this, one must overwhelm the other, and that is not love, nor is it compassion, nor responsibility. You are two who choose to walk the same path, to bridge the differences between you with love. You must remember and respect those differences and learn to understand them, for they are part of what made you come to love in the first place. Love is patient, love is willing to compromise - love is willing to admit it is wrong. There will be hard times; you must face them as bound warriors do, side by side, not using the weapon of your knowledge to tear at each other. There will be sadness as well as joy, and you must support one another through the grief and sorrow. There will be pain - but pain shared is pain halved, as joy shared is joy doubled, and you each must sacrifice your own comfort to share the pain of the other. And yet, you must do all this and manage to keep each other from wrong actions, for a joining means that you also pledge to help one another at all times. You must lead each other by example. Guide and be willing to be guided. Being joined does not mean that you accept what is truly wrong; being joined means that you must strive that you both remain in the light and in the right. You must not pledge yourselves thinking that you can change each other. That is rankest folly, and disrespectful, for no one has the right to change another. You must not pledge yourselves thinking that there will be no strife between you. That is fantasy, for you are two and not one, and there will inevitably come conflict that it will be up to you to resolve. You must not pledge yourselves thinking that all will be well from this moment on. That is a dream, and dreamers must eventually wake. You must come to this joining fully ready, fully committed, and fully respectful of each other."

a break in the clouds

One of the best weeks I've had in a very long time. Saw the new Bond movie and Transporter 3. Got some really productive stuff done at work. My VIP tickets to Live105's 'Not So Silent Night' came in, which should be an awesome show: The Killers, Death Cab for Cutie, Bloc Party, Franz Ferdinand, and Jack's Mannequin. Can't wait.

I spent Thanksgiving at Karen and Bob's, their annual 'Waifs & Strays' gathering...so good to catch up with Karen, Bob, Jeff, Vince, Wayne, Steen, Jeff [a different Jeff], and to meet some really interesting new people. I miss Karen...it had been a couple of years since we'd seen each other, and when I got there, it was like no time had passed at all. Fun drive in the fog back over 17, got the cats taken care of, and crashed into bed.

Friday was spent avoiding the crazy shoppers [an annual tradition for me]. The rest of the weekend flew by way too quickly...went out one night and had a great time just chilling, bopping to music, people watching; slept in the next morning, did some random stuff, then crawled back into bed [contented sigh]. Movie marathon one night. Found a CPK in Palo Alto that I hadn't realized was there. Walking, wandering. Kicking back on the couch, remote nearby, annoying cat trying to jump up every 15 minutes. Starbucks Caramel Apple Cider. Panda Express. Reading. Sharing music. Web surfing. Hanging out.

In short: I was able to just *be* for a while. Bliss.

The only downside was no sleep [say hello to my friend insomnia], which led to me having to call in Monday and stay home and medicate. But you know what? I have no complaints.

No complaints at all.