saying goodbye to a sweet friend...

Had to make a very hard decision today...I said goodbye to Bean. She's been having a progressively rough time...she's been having more and more trouble getting up after lying down, and the nerve and muscle damage have been taking their toll on her ability to use the litter pan; when she is able to make it in, the effort causes her to collapse and fall, then she cries as she tries to stand back up, flailing and unable to make her back legs work properly. If I'm not there to help, she often ends up having to drag herself for many feet before she can get her hind legs under her enough to stand up. It's been getting worse, and the number of good days is being overshadowed by the number of troublesome ones, so I knew this time was coming.

It's never an easy decision to make, and this one is all the harder for the fact that she is still a sweetheart, still wants to snuggle and be with me...it's her body that is letting her down. I've been giving her pain meds, but that doesn't help the weakness of her back legs, the troubles she has going to the bathroom and keeping herself clean, or her inability to stand and sometimes even to walk. I promised myself years ago that I wouldn't let selfishness and sentimentality stop me from making a humane and caring decision; I knew that this burden of responsibility came with the act of taking in an animal. It isn't a choice I make lightly...I've been going over and over and over the alternatives and the reasoning and the 'yeah but, what ifs' for a very long time now. I know it is the right thing to do...

...but that doesn't make it any easier.