wise words

From a book I'm reading [re-reading]:

Two characters are having a handfasting ceremony, and the Elder says to them:

"This bond, this joining, is not meant to be a fetter. A joining is a partnership, not two people becoming one. Two minds cannot fuse, two souls cannot merge, two hearts cannot keep to the same time. If two are foolish enough to try this, one must overwhelm the other, and that is not love, nor is it compassion, nor responsibility. You are two who choose to walk the same path, to bridge the differences between you with love. You must remember and respect those differences and learn to understand them, for they are part of what made you come to love in the first place. Love is patient, love is willing to compromise - love is willing to admit it is wrong. There will be hard times; you must face them as bound warriors do, side by side, not using the weapon of your knowledge to tear at each other. There will be sadness as well as joy, and you must support one another through the grief and sorrow. There will be pain - but pain shared is pain halved, as joy shared is joy doubled, and you each must sacrifice your own comfort to share the pain of the other. And yet, you must do all this and manage to keep each other from wrong actions, for a joining means that you also pledge to help one another at all times. You must lead each other by example. Guide and be willing to be guided. Being joined does not mean that you accept what is truly wrong; being joined means that you must strive that you both remain in the light and in the right. You must not pledge yourselves thinking that you can change each other. That is rankest folly, and disrespectful, for no one has the right to change another. You must not pledge yourselves thinking that there will be no strife between you. That is fantasy, for you are two and not one, and there will inevitably come conflict that it will be up to you to resolve. You must not pledge yourselves thinking that all will be well from this moment on. That is a dream, and dreamers must eventually wake. You must come to this joining fully ready, fully committed, and fully respectful of each other."

a break in the clouds

One of the best weeks I've had in a very long time. Saw the new Bond movie and Transporter 3. Got some really productive stuff done at work. My VIP tickets to Live105's 'Not So Silent Night' came in, which should be an awesome show: The Killers, Death Cab for Cutie, Bloc Party, Franz Ferdinand, and Jack's Mannequin. Can't wait.

I spent Thanksgiving at Karen and Bob's, their annual 'Waifs & Strays' gathering...so good to catch up with Karen, Bob, Jeff, Vince, Wayne, Steen, Jeff [a different Jeff], and to meet some really interesting new people. I miss Karen...it had been a couple of years since we'd seen each other, and when I got there, it was like no time had passed at all. Fun drive in the fog back over 17, got the cats taken care of, and crashed into bed.

Friday was spent avoiding the crazy shoppers [an annual tradition for me]. The rest of the weekend flew by way too quickly...went out one night and had a great time just chilling, bopping to music, people watching; slept in the next morning, did some random stuff, then crawled back into bed [contented sigh]. Movie marathon one night. Found a CPK in Palo Alto that I hadn't realized was there. Walking, wandering. Kicking back on the couch, remote nearby, annoying cat trying to jump up every 15 minutes. Starbucks Caramel Apple Cider. Panda Express. Reading. Sharing music. Web surfing. Hanging out.

In short: I was able to just *be* for a while. Bliss.

The only downside was no sleep [say hello to my friend insomnia], which led to me having to call in Monday and stay home and medicate. But you know what? I have no complaints.

No complaints at all.

time flies

For Halloween this year, a group of us on our floor came to work in pajamas [comfy!], which I had done waaay back in 2002 [and hopped on a plane to Vegas right after work...most comfortable plane ride I've ever had]. Seeing pictures from this Halloween reminded me that I had pictures of me from that first Halloween, plus one taken a few years later...so I now present to you:

"Eeyore & Stacey Through the Years"

kick ass(et)

I finally made the time to do something that I've been meaning to do for a while: revamp the Facebook 'Asset Disposal Form'. I love doing this stuff...it's creative, retentive, takes logic and planning to get all the information you need in a fixed amount of space. I'm pretty happy with how it turned out, too, which doesn't hurt...it's not quite up to professional standards, but it's definitely better than what we had.

Before:
After:
[compression degraded the quality a bit, but you get the idea...]

a creepycool side effect

Battling an indelicate ailment [let's just call it "intestinal" and leave it at that]...not a happy time. But the 'tongue turns black' side effect of bismuth offers a bit of distraction...

huh...whaddya know??

http://www.ew.com/ew/gallery/0,,20152943_20153287_20239984_5,00.html

clear your heart

One of the lessons I've been lucky enough to learn over the years has been to recognize when fear is ruling me. It keeps us from doing a lot of things, from taking a lot of chances that are presented to us. We shy away from opportunities and lose a lot of potential because of fear. What if it doesn't work? Oh crap, what if it *does*? What if they say no? What if they say yes?? What if I fall flat on my face? What if it isn't the right decision? What if I fail?

Fear of change, fear of the unfamiliar and the unknown...it's very human. We struggle with it every day. The key is not letting it rule you, not letting it make your decisions for you. If you don't risk failure, then you don't risk success. You can't fly if you never jump. And if time shows the decision doesn't work out the way you hoped, then correct your course. Make the effort. Keep moving. Keep growing.

I think about that a lot...it's easy to get complacent, to cling to the familiar. Every once in a while, you need a perspective check, a reminder to look around and examine the opportunities you might have in front of you. Which is why these lyrics really resonate with me:

"And sometimes I get nervous
when I see an open door.
Close your eyes,
clear your heart...

...cut the cord."

a unique flower

Standing around with a group of friends and acquaintances outside work a little while ago, chatting about anything and nothing. The talk turned to love lives and dating and current status...when it got to my turn, I just quietly shrugged. One friend gave me a small hug and said, "Hey, think of this: you'll have an easier time finding someone like *him* than he will finding someone like *you*." Then others chimed in...words and phrases like "unique", "definitely one-of-a-kind", "unusual", "rare", "special", "hard to categorize". I added "freak", "weirdo", and "mutant" to the mix, which set off another round.

It was embarrassing, flattering, sweet, and not a little uncomfortable...and I thank each one of them for it.

i tried

I tried to poke my head out this week, to be a bit more social. And while it was good to be able to hang out with people I click with, I realized that I'm not there yet. Further along, but still not there. It took a lot of energy to maintain the mask. I didn't realize how much until the next morning...I woke up with swollen jaw, painful neck/shoulders, and a blinding headache. A large part of it stemmed from the dental fun the prior morning [hours in a dental chair apparently aggravated my damaged C4 vertebra], and then the strain of the previous evening took opportunistic root and stayed. Ended up having to stay home, with ice packs and ibuprofen, trying to stay as still as possible. So now I'm behind at work, still hurting [the jaw/tooth is much better, but the neck and shoulders are still fighting], and stressing about losing the pay and having to work extra overtime to keep my paycheck stable [especially with the dental expense that just hit].

So now I crawl back into my shell, and vow to listen to myself more closely next time...

no fancy words

Just an immense amount of awe and pride at being here during this historic time.