sad and sweet

Spent the evening with my aunt Essie [Mom's oldest sister]. Essie is in the Alzheimer's wing of a nearby nursing home, Autumn Health Care, and we kept her company during dinner, then spent a few hours together. It was hard, though good...Essie was the oldest of eleven kids, always the one in charge, running things, strong opinions, big heart. The heart is still big, and it's hard to see the effect the Alzheimers is having. She'll hunt for words, forget how to use a fork or put on glasses, how to dress. But she's still in there, and you can see it frustrates her. She remembered me, though she hasn't seen me for a year; she even asked how Pepper was doing. She knew Mom [and got choked up while telling me how much Mom means to her], she knew I was Mom's daughter.

The facility she is in is incredible. Quiet, well-run, and the thing that I noticed the most was the smell...or rather, the lack of it. It was clean, fresh; it felt more like a hotel than a nursing home. The rooms were well laid out; even though they were shared rooms [two to a room], there were closets in the middle to make it feel like each resident had their own space.

Feeling pensive and a bit off-kilter right now...you can't help but picture yourself in that same situation and wonder how you would handle it, what you would do. Or you picture other people close to you there, and wonder how often you could visit, how you would keep your life going while also letting them know that there weren't just dumped and forgotten, how you would pay for it. It's sobering, it's saddening...but it was also uplifting to see the amount of indepence this facility gave the residents. They were watched, taken care of, monitored, but they were free to walk around, feed themselves, chat with friends...all things they wouldn't necessarily have at other nursing homes [and that she *didn't* have at the one she was at prior to this one].

I'm glad places like this exist. And I hope one is available to me if I ever need one...

Love you, Essie.