Seeing "Blade Runner - The Final Cut" with some geek friends tonight. When I thanked one them for the invite, he replied:
"Hey, you meet all the criteria: hot, blonde, and geek."
Ladies and gentlemen, never underestimate the power of flattery, true or not. :^)
Bathroom is only 46 degrees. And one of the small heaters I have isn't working, so need to trash it. Today will be spent buying space heaters and seeing what can be done about the furnace. Of course, nothing is open for business yet...but at least twiddling my thumbs will help keep them warm.
I've become very smitten with the latest Puscifer album...the song "Momma Sed" really speaks to me [you can hear the song on the Puscifer website]:
I'll admit it...this one choked me up. From the description: "It was Disability Awareness day and the folks at Fenway did a lot of great things for kids with challenges..here is one who sang and when he got nervous the Fenway Faithful helped him out."
I can't help wondering if I would have been as altruistic and quick-thinking...
http://www.sfgate.com/cgi-bin/article/article?f=/c/a/2007/11/28/BACHTKB8O.DTL
Sent some email to a co-worker about some hardware we are tracking
down...he came over giggling and said that the subject of the email
sounded like a band name:
"Isilon and the Infiniband Switches"
<snort>
* "at the end of the day" - specifically when used in a context that does not LITERALLY MEAN "at the termination of the current period we acknowledge as a day, be it the work day or sundown or midnight"
* "I threw up in my mouth a little" - just stop. this has ceased being funny.
* "it is what it is" - I get the concept being expressed, but whenever anyone uses this, they seem so dismissive
More to come...
[and yes, I am sure that I say things that people just roll their eyes at and want *me* to retire...but this is *my* blog so I get to post these. So there... <ppbbbbtttt!!!> ]
Well, so much for heading out into the world. Got the Starbucks, but didn't get much further...we pretty much turned around, headed back, and promptly zonked out. Hard.
Off to find some dinner [technically, breakfast <wry grin>]...
Let's see...starting with Wednesday evening:
* unexpected evening of drinks at Rudy's, laughing, balloon sculptures, Jack'n'Cokes, lost cars, found cars, and new friends
* a non-traditional and very relaxing Thanksgiving, including green curry chicken, naps [okay, maybe that part was traditional], phone calls to friends and family, pizza for dinner, movies, chillin'
* Beowulf in 3D [definitely the way to see it...the movie was actually mediocre otherwise]
* going home and watching Luc Besson's 'Angel-A' and having it grow on us
* starting to leave, then talking more, then finally leaving only to discover that somehow two more hours had passed
* getting home at 4:30am :^)
* going back out at 6pm after finally hauling my hinder out of bed and the house
* cheap-but-good sushi
* seeing 'Hitman' [entertaining, fluffy, a bit inconsistent but then it wasn't meant to be high art]
* sharing music
* opening the bottle of port
* finishing the bottle of port
* heading out in the wee hours to get an audio cable so we could listen to more music
* setting the goal of staying awake through the 'dry' hours of 2-6a so we could get another bottle of port
* achieving our goal
* getting another bottle of port
* finishing another bottle of port
* good music...good talks...good friend
* Pain's awesome-sauce cover of 'Eleanor Rigby'
* emotional and very personal chords being struck when hearing Nine Inch Nails' Japanese release of 'Right Where It Belongs'
* falling asleep with music still playing
* finally waking up to face the day, grab some Starbucks, head out into the world...but first, a nap <grin>
* most preciously: treasuring a rare moment in life when I was able to relax, live in the moment with someone I trust, let everything go for a while, and just *be*.
An amazing compliment was given to me by a very close friend: we were talking about life, the universe, love, pain...somewhere in there, he described our friendship as "effortless".
It was one of the highest compliments I have ever been paid.
Flu shots at work today. The kid in me always loved the idea of shooting a dead version of something into your blood to help keep you from getting the live version of it. Sounds really bizarre, doesn't it?
A friend is going through a rough time. One of her closest friends told her recently that he had to cut off all contact with her...his wife was not comfortable with their friendship. She felt abandoned and hurt and betrayed; she understood that his priorities were his wife and family, but the way he handled it was less than mature.
I've been on all three sides of that scenario: the wife telling her best friend that she needed to disappear for a while to focus on the marriage, the wife wondering about the close relationship between her husband and a friend, and the one that got shuffled off to the side when another wife got uncomfortable. In the first case, I realized that it wasn't a marriage if I had to tiptoe around his insecurities, and so I fought to bring that friend back into my life [and I've still got him in my life <waves to him>]; in the second, I couldn't and didn't ask him to drop the friend...I knew it wouldn't solve the underlying issues, that keeping someone with me by force was not healthy and definitely not what I wanted. In the third, well, it hurt(s) like hell, but I know it was/is out of my control, and that in the long run, I'll be better served by the break.
Which is what I told my friend: that this was not her issue, it was between her friend and his wife; that yes, it hurts like hell that he couldn't take responsibility for his actions and was essentially running away and avoiding the underlying issues; that she was simply a catalyst and convenient target for those issues and that they pre-dated her; that her feelings were valid and that it would continue to hurt for a while that someone who was such an important part of your life could just walk away from you like that.
A validating part was when she forwarded me some email from her counselor...the email said almost exactly what I had been saying to her, which made me feel good. She's got some rough times ahead of her as she comes to grips with this...she's strong, and she'll make it, but it will be a bumpy ride between now and then. I have faith in her...
Another Monday morning. Motivation was hard to come by this weekend...was supposed to go to a concert Saturday night, but those plans fell through. Got hit by dizzy spell, for the second time in less than two weeks...keeping an eye on that. Managed to get laundry done, but just had no desire to do much of anything, really.
Yesterday ended up all right, though. Hauled my hinder out and about, and happened to be leaving a mall just as a friend was parking on the other side; a chance text message at just the right time led to a u-turn and an impromptu meet-up. Hung out with him and his kids, we grabbed dinner, then watched part of "Return of the King". Those are the coolest kids ever...they are totally into the movie. And he is the coolest dad, letting them see it [with judicious fast-forwarding, muting, and covering-of-little-eyes to protect during some scenes].
The insomnia has been pretty bad lately. Even when I have all day to sleep, I can't. Hoping this long weekend will give me a chance to get some rest...a friend suggested valerian root, so I'm going to give that a try.
Off to start the day and head into the work...short weeks are always weird, because the same amount of work needs to get done in a shorter amount of time, but there is a more festive feeling in the air while you are doing it.
And awwwaaaAAAAAyyyyy!!!
Hmmm...an afternoon/evening of wobbliness/dizziness, out of the blue. Shaky, lightheaded, the room spins when I close my eyes...you'd think I was hungover, except for the minor issue of not having imbibed alcohol [or any illicit substance].
What an odd way to spend a Saturday...
It isn't often you find a friend you can cry in front of. I'm not talking the "something horrible/painful/devastating has happened to me" totally-socially-acceptable crying, but rather the "this movie really affects me", "I'm really down for no specific reason", "this song is incredibly beautiful", or "these memories are hitting me in a very vulnerable place" kind of way. The kind of tears you normally choke down, try hard not to show, turn into a surreptitious wipe of the eye or a casual swipe of the nose, and try to talk around as if there wasn't a huge lump in your throat.
We hide those tears and emotions for a lot of reasons: not wanting to show weakness, not wanting to admit that something affected us to that degree, even not wanting to put the burden of "cheering you up" or "fixing it" on the other person. When you can find a person that you trust enough to cry in front of, and who simply provides a shoulder or quiet acceptance or who just gives you room to feel what you are feeling...
...you are lucky indeed.
[whoops...video removed from youtube. go there and do a search for 'demetri martin'...there's some good stuff. be sure to look for the video of him in front of the giant flip chart, giving a "presentation".]
I really hate?? People who talk?? As if there were question marks?? After every other word??
You know???
A really good time tonight...an unofficial Facebook party to celebrate 50 million [plus] users, held at the Blue Chalk in Palo Alto, open bar and live music by The Spazmatics [80s rock]. MyFriendJen was my +1, and we had a lot of fun...I was so glad she could come. We danced, we bopped, we enjoyed...a good time was had. She headed home around 11:30p or so to check on her guy [who'd been out with his own buds and apparently had a *very* good time]; I walked with her to the corner then came back to keep dancing.
It was a little slow after the band came back for their third set, but then it picked up. In between 80s songs, Eric [of Facebook] came up on stage and played guitar...he rocked a Green Day tune. A bit later, another FB guy [Andy?] sang his lungs out on "Living on a Prayer". Serious points to the band for sharing the spotlight with grace and class. Towards the end of the evening and the last set, things definitely got livelier and the crowd got a lot more into it. I kept on dancing at the front, having a blast and sharing smiles with the band [and maple caramel lip gloss with the gorgeous-under-the-dork-getup lead singer [twice :^)]. As I headed out to walk back to Jen's for my car, the incredibly sweet and smokin' hot bouncer that Jen and I had been talking with earlier in the evening asked me to dinner...a very nice way to end a very fun evening.
Now to wind down and try to get a few hours of sleep before heading in to work...and to make a note to myself to buy more of this lip gloss. <grin>
Gretchen: "You're weird."
Donnie: "Sorry."
Gretchen: "No, that was a compliment."
from Donnie Darko
A friend is going through a rough time...he recently had a woman leave him, and he is devastated. They hadn't been together long, but he fell hard for her...and she did the leaving, so it left him with a lot unresolved.
The timing is bad for this...he has been going through a period of existential crisis lately [it has been building for a while], and being an introspective type, it has been hitting him hard. To make matters worse, other people close to him are accusing him of going through a "midlife crisis", essentially dismissing his feelings and ruminations as "a phase" and "not fair to the people around him" [never mind being fair to him].
We talked, and I tried to gently find a way to tell him that he is
grasping for connections, desperately clinging to any bit of affection
and distraction he can get. He has recently admitted to himself that he is missing fulfillment and a human connection; he has people around him, and he cares for them and they for him, but he has realized that his needs have evolved and changed beyond what he is getting in his daily life.
Enter this girl. She gave him what he was so desperately craving: an external focus, someone to care for and who would hopefully return that affection. Sadly, it didn't work out...for reasons I don't think anyone will ever fully understand, she grew to dislike him, even as he grew more and more smitten [one theory: he was so attentive/needy and so focused on her that she couldn't handle it, and freaked out]. So now he is adrift; his daily life doesn't give him what he needs, and for a brief time he had something that he thought would fill that void...and it was taken away before it ever really started.
In an ideal world, he could take time to be totally on his own and get comfortable in his own skin...then hopefully he could see that he doesn't need fulfillment to come from external sources, that sharing life with someone is better when you aren't looking to them to rescue you or to "make you whole". Sadly, our world is far from perfect, and he has to keep slogging along day to day, while keeping up the mask and the front for the others close to him [who continue to make him feel guilty for having these feelings].
My fear is that he is now going to be seeking connections anywhere and everywhere, trying to fill this hole that he has only recently admitted was there. We all have needs and wishes and desires...the hope is that we can control them, rather than them controlling us. All I can do for him is lend him an ear and a shoulder, give him my love, and let him make his journey...he's spent so much time taking care of other people that he has no idea how to take care of himself.
I hope he can learn.
Out of the night that covers me,
Black as the Pit from pole to pole,
I thank whatever gods may be
For my unconquerable soul.
In the fell clutch of circumstance
I have not winced nor cried aloud.
Under the bludgeonings of chance
My head is bloody, but unbowed.
Beyond this place of wrath and tears
Looms but the Horror of the shade,
And yet the menace of the years
Finds, and shall find, me unafraid.
It matters not how strait the gate,
How charged with punishments the scroll,
I am the master of my fate:
I am the captain of my soul.
-- by William Ernest Henley
A weird morning. Woke up very groggy and disconnected...got the cats fed, sent a note and love to my dad, and when I tried to stand back up, I promptly wobbled and woozed and thunked back down on the couch. Lay still for a bit, then made my way to the bed and let the dizziness run its course. Sent an email to work letting them know I would be late...I know I drifted off a bit, because I remember dreaming [about being dizzy and not being able to drive...go fig].
Made it in to work around 10a...still a bit out of it, in that weird "fuzzy/distanced/not quite firing on all cylinders" way. Got some orange juice in me in case its the hypoglycemia...with luck, I'll be back to normal [or what passes for normal with me] soon.
Now you can have your very own Time Turner:
(image courtesy of amazon.com)A friend told me he orders a venti no-water soy chai latte, extra hot, with one shot of espresso.
The game of "I can order a more complex beverage than you" has begun...
This afternoon, I ordered a venti nonfat no-water chai latte with one pump of pumpkin syrup.
I've become one of the herd.
Controller, with invoice in hand: "Why aren't they charging us for screws on this order?"
Me: "Because if they charged for screws, it would be prostitution."
<ba-dum-bump KSSHHH!!>
And the weekend wrapped up nicely. Slept in a bit on Sunday, wandered about changing clocks, getting laundry done, showering. Got a call from a friend just as I was looking up movie times, asking if [hurrah for timing] I wanted to see "Bee Movie", so off we went for sushi and then the movie. It's a very different experience seeing a kid's movie with actual kids on either side of you...even better when one sits on your lap for half of it, so you can share the giggles and see what makes a youngling laugh. The movie was pretty good...enough to keep adults entertained, and the littles seemed to like it. I liked catching the Airborne patch on the sleeve of the "pollen jockey"...sent a smile and a thought to my Dad, he of the 101st Screaming Eagles.
Outside of that, things go fairly well. Still not enough sleep, lots of catching up to do there, but at least the coughing is letting up...there is hope. Now to get my head back into workaday mode and get something productive done.
<nose to grindstone>
A night of weird and very "scripted" dreams...you know the ones where they seem like they could have been a movie or an episode of a TV show? This one involved the universe deciding to set some things right and wake some people up. Odd things started happening: one person was forced to a decision by crossed phone lines only to find it was too late and they lost their best chance by waiting, another discovered a spare umbrella in their bag just in time to share it with a stranger on the corner [and thus started a long friendship and perhaps more], another found something precious that had gone missing and thus helped a person who despised them [thus showing that it was a one-way rivalry the entire time, forcing the second person to re-evaluate and grow].
It wasn't a Disney "everyone gets what they want" dream, but rather a Brothers Grimm "everyone gets what they *need*" tale. I wish I could remember more of it...
Behold the power of teh intrawebs. You write a blog entry about admiring a smart geeky wordsmith, and a few days later you get a Facebook friend invite from the man himself.
I heart technology.
An awesome night/morning/afternoon...a sleepover, movie watching ["Evan Almighty" with the kids, then "The Fountain" after they went to bed], talking, music, some sleep, having the kids to myself in the morning for a while. Leisurely breakfast, chilling, straightening up, making it out and about for bit [ah, blessed caffeine], then I headed home to feed the creatures and scrub myself.
This was a gift from one of the littles this morning:
Awesome-sauce.
Another night of little sleep, home after midnight...and again, no
regrets. Have today off, which is nice...heading out in a bit for a
'whoo hoo, you escaped' lunch for a friend, then the day is mine to do
whatever I want [and I'm sure you wouldn't be surprised to know that
napping is high on that list right now <grin>].
A long night, with zero hours of sleep [literally...got home around 7a, fed the cats, a quick shower, then off to work]. But I don't regret it, and I'd do it again in a heartbeat...very good time spent with a very good friend, sort of an existential slumber party. Life doesn't hand you those moments often, so they are worth grabbing...even if it means a day of, to quote a sage soul, "draggin' ass like a dog with hemorrhoids" [<snort> now *there's* a mental image that sticks with you].
Today is an all-hands company meeting...tradition is that all new hires in the past two weeks have to stand up, introduce themselves, say what they are working on, and one thing they've learned in their first days at Facebook. Weird, since I've technically been here for a few months, and it's not my normal mode of operation, to be honest...I'm not good at those 'rah rah' things. Going to be interesting when you add on sleep deprivation and a pensive mood...whoo boy. And I just realized that I'm wearing my Rob Zombie sweatshirt...rock on. :^)
Off to caffeinate and find some toothpicks to prop the eyes open...rah, rah, sis boom bahhhhhumbug.
