promise

This was read by the groom's cousin at MyFriendJen's wedding this past weekend...it really resonated with me.

PROMISE
by Dorothy Colgan

I promise to give you the best of myself
and to ask of you no more than you can give.

I promise to respect you as your own person
and to realise that your interests, desires and needs
are no less important than my own.

I promise to share with you my time and my attention
and to bring joy, strength and imagination
to our relationship.

I promise to keep myself open to you,
to let you see through the window of my world into my
innermost fears and feelings, secrets and dreams.

I promise to grow along with you,
to be willing to face changes in order to keep our
relationship alive and exciting.

I promise to love you in good times and in bad,
with all I have to give and all I feel inside
in the only way I know how.

Completely and forever.

toed you so

Trip to Urgent Care today...whacked my foot on the tub as I stepped out of the shower, and a toe decided to protest by going all purple and puffy. Toughed it out through this morning's Oracle testing, but hied myself off to get x-rays right after. Luckily, no fracture, but it was iffy...they had to have the radiologist confirm the diagnosis. Treatment is the same either way, broken or contused: wrap the toes, ice them, take ibuprofen, keep the foot elevated, no strenuous activity. If broken, they would be wrapped for 2-4 weeks, but now it's just a week [whew].

I'm bummed about no working out, though...it's a good outlet. And I just signed up with a gym, too...figures.

The universe is laughing her ass off at me right now...

told you so

Got my replacement t-shirt yesterday...you've gotta love how it was addressed:


ChopShop rocks.

[and in case you were wondering, the shirt is still too big...I'm just not built for regular 'boxy' shirt styles. But it will make a fine workout shirt...maybe there will be some other geeks in the gym that will get a smile out of it.]

i miss her

She had an eight-track player in her car...I remember riding beside her, both of us singing to "Hit the Road Jack" and "Fifty Ways to Leave Your Lover" [to this day, any time I hear Ray belt out "What you say??", I smile]. She had a Kit Kat clock in her kitchen, black with jeweled bow-tie and eyes. She made excellent fried eggs, by which all others are judged. There was a weird marbled rubber mat in front of her sink, very squishy and soft to stand on, and a white metal cabinet with glass in the doors, where she stored her bowls. We spent a lot of time in that kitchen, made happy memories.

There was a light green metal chair on her porch, the kind that bounced a bit when you rocked back in them, solid but with small swirly cut-outs in the back. I don't remember any rust on it, but there must have been...those things always rust. This was at her smaller place, later on...there are also my memories of the big place back in the woods, with the outhouse [and the supply of prune juice <grin> ], playing in the attic, lots of wood everywhere, indoors and out. Happy times with family, back when innocence still ruled the day, before the realities of life hit and pushed me along the 'growing up' path.

She smiled a lot, laughed easily, hugged freely. She was comfort and peace and unconditional love. She stayed with us at the end, and I'm glad of that time. She was an amazing person, and I was lucky to have what little time we did. I often wonder what she would think of who I am today, and wish I could share with her some of the things that I've seen and done, have her meet people that are important to me, and share her with them.

I miss my grandma...it's been years since she left, and she still pops into my thoughts. I have my own Kit Kat clock now, and I make my own fried eggs...but it's just not the same.

atypical

Going to my friend Jen's wedding today; wearing a dress and sandals (yup, twice in a dress in less than a month...surely a sign of the apocalypse). Get to my friend Lawrence's place (he's my +1 tonight) and realize that the heel of my shoe is broken. Shit.

We hit the mall, I head into Payless. I scan the shelves...I see a pair, find my size, try one on, grab the box, head to the register.

Elapsed time: less than a minute. I stood in line for longer than it took me to find the shoes.

That's how I roll. :^)

more t-shirt giggles

I returned the too-large t-shirt, and got an awesome email in reply. Turns out it actually *was* a women's shirt...according to the very cool person who replied, they "had people ask for a non "girly" fit which makes sense considering our audience", so they phased out the more fitted women's shirt that had been on the site.

This is the line that I loved: "the other issue is that 3% of our sales are to women… so the variant suffers from a lack of attention. ;)"

That's our Stacey: a 3% variant that suffers from a lack of attention.

no spoilers here

The midnight-thirty showing of "Indiana Jones" (free tickets and free popcorn FTW).

No comments on the movie yet...shan't spoil it for you.

yup, it was an 'ouch'...

Picked up my MINI today. Some good news: the brake rotors were fine, just the pads needed replacing. The bad news: it still set me back $1800 [plus 3 gallons of gas for the loaner].

Ouch.

[Some possibly good news: my mileage has gone from about 22mpg to 27mpg [yay!]. We'll see how that does over a longer period, but it's good to see some improvement. I doubt it will be $1800 worth of improvement, but anything helps...]

happy today, mom

Happy birthday, Mom...I love you, I miss you, I thank you for everything you've given me.

bend over and say 'ouch'

$2100 to repair my car [power steering hose is leaking, suspension brushing is worn through and needs replaced, rear brakes need replaced]. First major repairs needed in the six years I've had him, but still...

Ouch.

a bittersweet compliment

A former 'sharer-of-paths' told me recently that he "fucked up by letting me go". It was a short conversation, and a sad one...he said that he hadn't truly appreciated what I brought to his life, and wished that he'd known what he had at the time. He told me that whoever I choose to share my life with will be a lucky person, and to tell them he said so.

It was sweet, and flattering, and yet I'm not sure what his point was in telling me. Was he hoping I would say we should give it another chance? Was he angling for a return compliment and a singing of his praises? Or was he simply caught in one of those introspective cycles many of us trip over, where we play 'woulda-coulda-shoulda' with the decision forks of our past?

I chose to take it at face value and say simply, "Thank you". Whatever his motivation, it was a sweet thing to say, and kind of him to take the time and make the effort to tell me. And as for "being a lucky person", I've no idea what the future will bring me, but I do hope that when I do choose to share the path with someone, they feel as fortunate to be with me as I will to be with them. That's a good foundation for a relationship: where each person feels they are ridiculously lucky to be with the other.

So thank you for the kind words, sweet man...they are much appreciated.

history being made

I'm glad I was here to see it. I'm proud of the California Supreme Court.

color me stunned

So I pull out my Andrew Lloyd Webber "Essentials" album tonight and glance through the titles. The standards are there, and there is a listing of who sings what. Blah blah, name, someone, John Barrowman, someone else, wait, what????

Quick!! To imdb!! Must know!!

[taptaptypetap]

Sure enough...it's *that* John Barrowman. Awesomely awesome awesome-sauce. Now I must listen to tracks 3, 6, 10, 14, and 17 again, picturing Captain Jack singing...

yeesh

It should not be 78 degrees at quarter 'til 9 in the morning, especially in the Bay Area.

Forecast for tomorrow is a high of 101...and that's in the normally cooler peninsula cities.

Ugh.

poorly worded

Cleaning out my spam folder, and saw yet another 'male enhancement' offer...but the subject on this one made me laugh:

"Set your wife on fire"

paths

Those of you who know me have seen this before:

This symbol means a lot to me, and it gives me inspiration, comfort, and peace. Over the years, I've imbued it with a lot of meaning:

The circle represents entirety and the universe as a whole; the lines represent the complexity and interconnectedness within that whole. Everything we do affects others, has a ripple effect.

The four quadrants represent head, heart, health, and hearth, reminding me to nurture and appreciate my intellect, my emotions, my physical state, and my family [both blood and chosen]. Balance, perspective, priorities.

The design itself reminds me that paths cross, they run parallel, and they diverge...it's all a part of life. This more than anything is closest to my heart...the way our lives intersect, with effects immediate, long-term, and sometimes never truly understood. You never know which connection will impact you, will trigger other events, or will be a catalyst in your life.

I search for this symbol in every Celtic store I come across. I have a sticker of it on my car, it is on my 'geek for hire' business cards, it's embossed on my wallet, and I once had a ring with a simpler version of it [passed on as a token to one who shared a path with me for a while].

It's a touchstone for me, a good reminder of the things that are important to me; it helps remind me to keep perspective in the maelstrom that can be daily life.

Not bad for a few swirly lines...

on maturity

A quote I really like, that I got from Dear Abby of all places:

"Maturity is the ability to control our impulses, to think beyond the moment, and consider how our words and our actions will affect ourselves and others before we act."

on stacey, part two

A while ago, I ordered the world's most awesome t-shirt, with silhouettes of 51 different famous robots [see it in all its awesomeness at http://www.chopshopstore.com/product.php?productid=16187 ]. The demand was high, they ran out of stock, my shirt was back-ordered, apologies, we promise this is not our normal turnaround time. So I waited. And waited. And waited.

It finally arrived last night [hurrah!!]. But it was a men's shirt, not a women's, and so far too large for me [boo!]. I contact the company, they respond very quickly and ask me to ship it back to them, and they'll give me a free bonus tee for the trouble.

This is the part I love: "sorry for that… we get so few womens orders by comparison, the fulfillment people often miss that."

Heh...yet another way Stacey is a little, shall we say, "unusual". :^)

on stacey

Quotes from a very dear friend, about my unusual nature:

"i mean really, how many chicks would willingly leave a prom to go see speed racer?"

and

"or have a tat from a graphic novel?"

Heh. :^)

the formal side of stacey

The Facebook Formal, aka "The Black & White Ball", aka "The Facebook Prom". Seemed like it was so far away, then suddenly it was here. Had the dress for weeks [Susy and I had an awesome day shopping for it...I was expecting total misery and exhaustion, but it went amazingly well], all the jewelry and accoutrements [wrap, purse, even black slippers to change into if my feet started hurting], and indulged in a manicure/pedicure the night before.

Susy came over to help me get ready Friday night...she rocks. I can't sing her praises enough. We talked, we caught up, she gave me a critical eye on my makeup and tips on girly stuff, she helped me lace into my dress [a minor moment of concern: apparently I've lost some weight since we bought the dress, and it was laced all the way tight and still a little loose...thankfully it was enough], and she did an amazing job on my hair. She's a whiz with a curling iron and hairspray...no way could I have gotten that kind of result on my own. She even played 'mom' and took pictures of us before we left...have I mentioned that she rocks??

Here are the pics Susy took for us [thanks again, Suse!!]:

[Brian is far more photogenic than I am...lucky bastard. He looked amazing. In fact, when he showed up and I saw him in his tux, I was literally breathless. I was trying to put my earring in [he was a few minutes early], but my hand was shaking...Susy just calmly looked at me and asked with a grin, "Would you like me to get that for you?" I think I surprised Brian too...he was very complimentary. I was quite happy with his reaction... :^) ]

The party was pretty impressive...top floor of the Sony Metreon in San Francisco, beautiful view of the city from the outdoor patio, a gorgeous night. It was fun to see people's reactions to seeing me all dressed up...it's a side of me I don't indulge very often, being the lower-maintenance type of person I am. There was a photo booth as well as a prom-style photographer, complete with cheesy blue backdrop [didn't like the photos of me, but as usual, Brian photographed well].

We wandered for a bit, grabbed some bread, tried some sushi, caught up with folks, did the 'see and be seen' thing. The food was a little less than I expected, but we had a bit of pasta. One of my friends told me that MC Hammer was supposed to show up, but we didn't pay too much attention to that...sure, right, uh huh. We sat outside for a while, people watching, talking, just enjoying the evening, then headed downstairs and got tickets to see "Speed Racer" in IMAX.

Yup. We skipped out on the party to see a movie, whilst wearing formal togs. It was a blast...I highly recommend.

As we were getting on the elevator to head to the IMAX theatre, I said to Brian, "If it's over in time, we'll head back up and see if Hammer showed up." Then I look at the folks getting on the elevator, and say quietly to Brian, "Um...I think that's him."

Boys and girls, MC Hammer was in the house.

He got in, looked at us all dressed up, and asked, "Facebook party??" We said yeah, fourth floor...and then I said, "Hammer?" He smiled, shook our hands, talked with us for a bit, told us we looked "fabulous!!" [preen!], then it was time for us to head to the movie...we shook his hand again, thanked him, told him we were heading to see "Speed Racer". He tells us to have a great time, and away we go.

Surreal.

After the movie, we head back up...wander a bit, grab some water, see a few more friends, get caught by a candid photographer. As we head out to the patio, we see Hammer by the door, so we go by to say 'hi'. He grabs my hand, looks at us, and first thing he says is, "How was the movie?" How cool was that??

The party wraps up, some folks head out to hit the bars, we head to the car. We realize we are both starving [like I said, the food wasn't quite a full meal], but nothing is open...so we hit the McDonald's drive-through. Let me tell you, fresh french fries at two in the morning are utterly delicious...yum.

So ended the fancypants evening...much fun, good company, flattering reactions, IMAX movie, french fries, and MC Hammer.

Gonna be hard to beat that one.

[thanks to Oliver for the pic of me and Brian, and to Phil for the pics of the view and of Hammer with Tanja and Jennifer]

the trifecta

In the past year, I have met Vanilla Ice [got a drumstick from him], Sir Mix-A-Lot [talked with him, shook his hand, and my friend Susy got her picture with him], and now...

...MC Hammer. He was at the Facebook formal last night [seriously...more on all that later].

The trifecta is complete.

a preview

Getting ready for the Facebook formal...a pedicure, heels, and rhinestones [our little girl is growing up]:

you know what i like?

I like that getting a manicure and pedicure means you can't really do anything for the rest of the evening, or you might mess them up.

[Shhh...don't tell me otherwise. I like my happy little world of rationalization.]

igludo

[you'll get it when you watch the video]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pBzXuFi8No4

more ludo awesomeness

Extremely random: http://www.youtube.com/user/ludotoothbrushthing

ludo = awesome-sauce

Love this song. Love this video.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SCU1JYmGxcA

[watch for the 'coffin' visual pun]

nice to hear

Went to our SF datacenter yesterday with an Ernst & Young auditor, to do some on-site testing...had the post-mortem today to go over their results, questions, exceptions, and so on.

Made it through, and when talking with one of the auditors later, he told me that the senior manager had told him that "Stacey really knows her stuff."

Not too shabby for an IT geek in a finance world... :^)

punishment

Years ago, I found myself in a situation I never thought I would be in...but I came through it, found myself single for pretty much the first time ever, and somehow kept going.

I learned a lot about myself during that time. I learned what I want and don't want in a partner, lessons that I applied later on. I learned that I do want children...I just hadn't found the right person to start a family with. This was a huge awakening for me. I learned that I don't want to compromise myself simply to have someone. I maintain hope that there is someone with whom I click, that wants to share life with me as much as I want to share it with them.

So I have made hard decisions, let go of love that wasn't a good match even though it could have given me stability and a family, tried to stay true to myself and my values. But sometimes it feels as if I'm being punished for making these hard [yet ultimately correct] decisions. And the hardest part is if that is true, then I'm the one punishing myself. I could easily relax, make something happen, settle down, carve out a life with someone, even if they aren't quite the 'right' someone.

But it's not who I am. So I keep cranking along, knowing that if there is a payoff someday, it will be worth it. And if there isn't? Well, at least I stayed true to myself, and didn't hurt other people by giving them less than who I was. It's all about respect: for them, for me, for the people around me.

I respect myself too much to settle, I guess.

an interesting insight

I was talking to a friend last night about the Facebook formal that is coming up next week, and mentioned that I was trying to grow my nails out for it. They look at me, tip their head, and ask puzzledly, "Why don't you just get press-ons?"

Huh.

You know, it never occurred to me. Seriously. I'm not much for falsifying who I am, and I'm not a floofy girly-girl, so it just never crossed my mind that I didn't have to do it the "real" way.

Weird.

happy today!

** DANGER, WILL ROBINSON, DANGER!! **

NOT SAFE FOR WORK!

NOT SAFE FOR YOUNGSTERS!

NOT SAFE FOR PRUDES!

NOT SAFE FOR ANYONE WITH NO SENSE OF HUMOUR!

NOT KIDDING!!!!!!

http://youtube.com/verify_age?next_url=/watch%3Fv%3DO-77ElyvRxI

[I heart Jonathan Coulton.]

ferrous fellow

Can't wait to see 'Iron Man' tomorrow. Had the date booked for two months now, and it's finally here. w00t.

[I'm such a geek. :^) ]